The Widdle of the Sphinx

It's strange, the things you come across on the internet when you browse idly. Not that I have time to be idle, of course. A house move, a shed load of decorating to do, wine to drink...so why did I type Ancient Egyptian Urine into Google? I'm not sure. But I did discover something interesting. The ancient Egyptians had a pregnancy test involving urine and wheat and barley seeds. They would steep the seeds from these two plants in the urine of a woman who was believed to be pregnant. If the wheat seeds sprouted, a boy was predicted; if the barley put forth green shoots, the child would be a girl. If neither sprouted, it was 'sorry, Mrs. Rameses, but I think you've made a mistake.'

Could I leave it there? Dear bloggy friend, what do you think? I had to see what use my old chums the Romans had for that (almost) inexhaustible supply of liquid we carry around with us. And it came back to pregnancy again, but this time, a way of preventing it. Apparently, if a woman could somehow get her gentleman friend to imbibe his own urine in which a lizard had been drowned, this dubious drink would act as an antaphrodisiac. It's the lizard I feel sorry for.

This was only one use for Roman widdle. Their ladies used it to clean their teeth, and it was also popular as a mouthwash. Apparently, Portuguese urine was the best for this purpose, but there is no record as to whether some kind of breath freshener was employed in conjunction with this bodily by-product, or how Romans managed to persuade the Portuguese to part with it in the first place; but it seems likely that the process involved threats of some kind. A slightly more palatable use for urine was in the cleaning of clothes; the ammonia apparently got Roman togas whiter than white. The dry-cleaner, or fullonica, would place large vats outside his premises into which passers-by could relieve themselves, and use this product to bleach these peculiarly Roman garments. Bingo! Citizens who were caught short were always sure of a place of easement, and the fullers acquired a completely free supply of cleaning fluid. Did I say free? Sorry. The emperor Nero devised a tax on the urine collected by the fullers - the vectigal urinae. And, although it didn't last long, a later emperor, Vespasian, re-introduced it. Perhaps this is why public toilets in Italy are referred to as Vespasiani.

Have you heard of the constellation of Orion, the hunter? Apparently, Orion means urine. The Boeotians (who lived near the Gulf of Corinth) had a myth that involved Zeus, Poseidon and Hermes urinating on a bull hide to provide King Hyrieus with a son. Poor old Orion. I wonder what sort of time he had at school? As he was the son of a king, did this make him the Royal Wee?

Sadly, as always, I seem to have omitted the New World in favour of the Old, so I should perhaps redress the balance by giving the Aztecs a mention. It appears that they too used urine for cosmetic and medicinal purposes. One such remedy for 'Roughness of the Face', otherwise referred to as Ixchachaquachiviztli (good grief), involved washing the face with hot urine and then smearing it liberally with powdered yellow chilli. This would be followed by another dousing in hot urine or wormwood sap and azpan sap. Sounds delightful, but I think I'll pass.

I suppose I could continue this post by looking at urophagia. It's interesting to note the number of websites that promote the drinking of one's own urine, and that provide detailed recommendations of the way in which this should be undertaken (in a glass, in a cup, lukewarm, hot and steaming, with/without rituals or incantations...). But I think you'll agree that enough is as good as a feast. And, as this blog is generally characterised by its sense of delicacy, I think I should spare you from the less palatable aspects of human behaviour.